i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
