Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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