There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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