i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
we should paint friendship bongs
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