No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
