so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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