I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
