If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I look better un-naked...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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