Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
