He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
