he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
