dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
