I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
