I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
