Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
