I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
