I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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