I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
