That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just high enough for therapy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
