You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
