normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
