Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
