Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
