Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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