Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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