Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
