chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
