6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
