I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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