i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Randomize
