I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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