weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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