u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
