You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
