I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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