i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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