addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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