What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
