thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I know her cup size but not her name....
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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