I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
