She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
