I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
