you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
