Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
