I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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