I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
