i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
