my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
