I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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