Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
