Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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