I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
